Retail Therapy

People who love shopping often refer to it as their “retail therapy.” To find out about the psychological aspects of shopping, I turned to Dr. Hindie Klein. Besides being a real life psychoanalyst, Dr. Klein is a lifelong shopping enthusiast with a minor in great antique deals.

Q. Is shopping meeting an emotional need for some people?
A. Shopping meets a real need for some people. In analytic terms, the objects they want become a substitute for other needs. I believe, I’ve seen, that when people aren’t nurtured and loved in a real emotional way from early childhood, they substitute that need for things that represent the love and nurturing. They buy and buy…it’s at the root of a lot of activities like gambling. When the need for love is not met, the void is filled with objects.

Q. Makes sense for some people. What about those shoppers who just like getting stuff?
A. It depends what you’re talking about. There are people who are just more aesthetic. They appreciate beauty and want to surround themselves with exquisite objects for the pleasure of it. As long as they aren’t pathological, it’s fine. When they’re spending all of the family’s money or just binge buying a bunch of things they don’t even need, well that’s pathological. In fact, that manic buying is one red flag for bipolar when we make a clinical diagnosis.

Q. Uh Oh. Are you going to label me for that extra purse I bought that I didn’t REALLy need?
A. Ha. We’re talking about extreme shopping…the impulse purchase of a car for no reason.

Q. Half the husbands will say their wives don’t really need to shop. That they’re just out looking, for the sport of it.
A. One good way for married couples to develop empathy is to understand the experience of the other. That’s how she relaxes. If he likes to relax playing basketball he needs to respect that his wife’s way of relaxing is to browse the clothing shops. The feelings of needing to relax are the same.
How would he feel if someone said, “Well, just stop that. You don’t need go play basketball.”

What’s a healthy way to enjoy the recreation of shopping?
A. Well, you need to realistically know what you can spend before you start. If you set a budget you don’t feel deprived later. Take the shopping impulse and turn it into a hobby.
For example, I’ve learned to love antiquing. Find a passion and educate yourself about it. Some of the antique shows are better than museums and just looking at the interesting things is rewarding. A breakfront from the fifteenth century that I can’t afford to buy is still fun to look at. Make a day of it if you can. Go somewhere new; make an adventure of it if you can. We go up to the country, and the ride and scenery become part of the whole experience. Invite your spouse now and then. Try some new shopping experiences like auctions or trade shows.


So the fact that shopping meets a need for nurturing, or becomes a passion or way of relaxing, can be beneficial.
Right. I think it was the Rambam, Maimonides who said “everything in moderation.”

So the fur coat you hid from your mother-in-law that she found in my closet one day and that started that whole big thing with your husband pretending he’d bought it for you in a fabulous Shabbos drama that the children kept insisting wasn’t true, would that be moderation or excess?
A. Haa!!!